I’m not ready to give this up!
I have made a mess of my getaway but it’s my mess. I control the madness.
I’m not ready to miss everyone. I’m not ready to go back to that “home”.
I will work to get this back. This will be my motivation. I fucked up but I can get back to this. I am going to give it all I have left because I’m just not ready.
This was mine. This small period of bliss was all my own. I’m not ready.
Not you, but me. I need to stop acting like you actually liked me, like I meant anything greater to you than another girls heart to play with, like you belonged to me.
That’s all I was wasn’t I? Another girl you could string along in your discovery process.
I made it too easy for you didn’t I? The only times you seem to care is when I am happy with a guy. You say you want someone here for you and who would treat you right but I’m to easy, too ugly.
At least you were honest the night you were drunk. It felt like a knife in my chest when you said you didn’t like me but atleast that was true. Now my heart aches knowing that you pretend like I mean something.
The only reason you take care of me is because you would feel guilty because you know I will take care of you no matter what…
Go find another toy, another stupid girl to string along… I’m going to act like what I actually am to you. Just a friend.
I won’t bring up loving you, or wanting to be with you. If I had not grown up loving men I would not be able to be happy. There will never be another girl for me.
It’s time to stop acting.